0.5 Poor

David Dhawan has plumbed a new low. "Hitch" was a movie with a plot I thought was impossible to mess up. Until now. Where to start? Lets start with the actors.
Govinda: Admittedly, hamming it up is the style that he is well-known and dearly loved for. However, he must have felt that he needed to outdo himself this time. With Disastrous results. He is now old, unfunny, and at best, imbecilic. Kevin James is not one of my favorite actors, but in comparison he seems an Oscar winner.
Salman Khan: Again, trying to ape his usual style. Would have worked anywhere else. Stilted, jerky, robotic are three adjectives that come to mind here. Absolutely no chemistry between the two male leads.
Katrina Kaif/Lara Dutta: I have lumped them together for their function in this movie was the same: Eye candy. I know they are no great shakes at acting, but surely they could have done better than this! My natural urge to drool at the sight of them in sexy outfits was outmatched by my groans at their inane assigned roles.
Others: WTF? I know one must add more stuff to stretch a 110 minute plot into 180+ minutes, but a lot of the secondary cast could have been given more smoothly integrated roles. SK's sister and kids, Lara's son, "Chhota Don", Katrina's dad, even Lara's coworker and the SOB she landed, could have been fleshed out. It's not like we don't have talented writers.
Plot: like mentioned before, a sweet romantic plot twisted and distorted almost beyond recognition. The integral gags that could have saved this abysmal mess were tampered with to the extent of only providing more "WTF?" moments. David Dhawan should take a leaf out of Anu Malik's playbook- If you are going to rip off Western ideas, at least leave the good bits in. And what the hell was the idea behind the ending? A little bit of virgin humor is amusing, but the repeated gag stank like a week old fish. Kept in the open. And rubbed over with maggots.
Verdict: A 'masala" movie that is beyond tasteless. Download "Hitch" from one of the numerous torrents, and stare at pictures of the actors (SK, Govinda, Lara and Katrina) f you miss watching them, instead of watching this movie. An abso-f***ing-lute waste of time and money.