1.5 Average

Salaam-E-Ishq

Watched it online, have NO plans of going to the theatre and shelling out my bucks. The film stinked to the max!

*WARNING: This content may contain spoilers*

Copied directly and in some parts, indirectly, from the super hit Love Actually, Saalam-E-Ishq has nothing to offer. As they say "Too many cooks spoil the broth", Salaam E Ishq just gives the proverb more recogonition. The film turns out to be "kichdi". Coming from the debutant director Nikhil Advani and such a huge starcast, it is almost natural that moviegoers have high expectations - sadly, which Salaam E Ishq fails to meet or even *touch*.

For one thing, it is long. Long - EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA LONG! Movies that go above the time limit of 2 and a half hrs - 3hrs should have that extra touch. But as far as Salaam E Ishq is concerned, to hell with the extra touch, the film(the first 3hrs) comes nowhere near what one might categorize a "good movie". The movie is 3 and a half hrs long but what seems like after 7 hrs the movie FINALLY comes to an end! Truthfully, only the last 10 minutes of the movie are tolerable. The 3 and a half hours are just the movie - EXCLUDING the intermission and advertisements which account for about 15-30 minutes of the movie - take thirty and add it to 3 and a half hrs. You get 4 hrs. Now add the travel time. Nearly 5-6 hrs. And this movie is definately not worth spending half your day. But I've just begun! Let's dissect the stories and the performances.

Track 1 - Kkamini and Rahul - Priyanka and Salman

So Kkamini is an ambitious Bollywood wannabe item girl. She wants to make it big and becomes the heroine of a KJo movie. She fakes "true romance" with Rahul so that she appears genuine to KJo. Ages pass (or so it feels like) and the bootleg romance actually becomes true love in the end but Rahul doesn't do ANYTHING to change Kkamini's priorities - wonder who/what brought such a revolution in her life...and they live happily ever after...Ya-da-ya-da-yara. *yawns* extremely boring, unreasonable and senseless.

As far as the performances are concerned, the less said the better. Priyanka hams - You feel Ash was better as the wannabe girl in Dhoom2! And that is saying something! Salman, yet again, fails to impress. He is all fake. From his mannerisms to his accent - all fake! It's so ridiculuos that it makes you laugh out loud! What was Nikhil thinking when he signed them opposite each other? The two share ZILCH chemistry. Sign Priyanka with Akshay instead. At least then can one expect to find good performances! It wouldn't matter much if the track was taken out altogether. My rating of this track: 0.5 / 5 - being extremely generous!

Track 2 - Raju and Stephanie - Govinda and Shannon

Raju is a taxi driver who dreams that someday or the other, an english woman will come, sit in his taxi and fall in love with him. His dreams do come true but to some extent. Stephanie comes and sits in his taxi but she is chasing an NRI whom she dearly loves. Raju falls for her and wants her to get her love. The NRI gets married to a dutiful indian girl and Stephanie is heartbroken. Eventually she falls for Raju. Doesn't sound much interesting, does it? It actually is interesting! The hinglish conversations between the two keeps you engrossed.

Both Govinda and Shannon were simply wonderful. Govinda took on the main role while Shannon supported him wonderfully. The comic scenes, since Stephanie can't speak Hindi and Raju can't speak english, are wonderful and romantic when need be. If Salaam E Ishq was based on this story alone, it would've been great. My rating of this track: 4.5/5.

Track 3 - Ashutosh and Tehzeeb - John and Vidya

A Hindu-Muslim couple dearly in love. Tehzeeb meets with an accident and loses her memory. Ashutosh keeps pestering her till the time she gains her memory back.

Most developed story of the lot - although boring. Vidya and John are victims of bad storytelling - their perfromances and chemistry are bound to get them 3 stars! My rating of this track: 3.5/5

Track 4 - Vinay, Seema and Anjali - Anil, Juhi and Anjana

Vinay has a perfect life, in a perfect world, with a perfect companion and perfect kids. So what exactly is the problem here? Their world's bloody too perfect. When a 40 year old dude (Vinay) falls for a 20 year old girl, he is ready to leave his perfect wife (Seema) but doesn't as he is told not to do so by Kkamini.

Interesting concept - horribly told. Juhi was perfect - her acting could not have been better. She actually made people shed tears when she did. What spoils it? Anil's transformation was simply intolerable. Anjana was considerably good but she had a hasty exit. Ironically, this is the only part where Priyanka actually does a good performance in the movie. A little bit of editing would've helped. My rating of this track: 2.5/5

Track 5 - Ramdayal and Phoolwati - Sohail and Isha

Newly wed couple. They want to loose their virginity but are unable to do so as someone or the other interrupts them each time.

Possibly, the frontbenchers found this interesting. Held no significance whatsoever to the ongoing movie. Desperately tries to be funny, fails to do so. Take it out and viewers are better off! My rating of this track: 1/5

Track 6 - Shiven and Gia - Akshay and Ayesha

The couple is engaged to get married. Shiven is anxious as he does not want to loose his freedom and thus upsets Gia who calls off the wedding. Soon after, Shiven regrets his descision and realizes all he wishes is Gia. Coolly, Gia agrees to marry someone else. Shiven gets back to his senses and marries her - end of story.

Concept copied from Pyarr ke side effects. However, great comic timing demonstrated on Akshay's part. He was good - but not the best - that friends is reserved for Govinda and Shannon. Ayesha Takia was OKAY given her miniscule role. My rating of this track: 3/5

The editing was hideous. Couldn't have been worse. What could've been fit into a 2hr+ movie was dragged endlessly to a 3 and a half hr movie leaving the audience bored. One wonders when the movie will be over - it's L.O.N.G.

Shankar-Ehsan-Loy's music is good. The title track and Dil Kya Kare are wonderful. The cinematography ranges from average to good.

The only people from the huge star cast who manage to leave a mark are Govinda, Shannon, Akshay, Juhi, Vidya and John. They were all very good. Performances of the rest aren't even worth mentioning except maybe Anil's. Not even worth watching once. Nikhil desperately tries to copy KJ at times - fails miserably.

Overall rating: 15/30