Like a college student religiously scribbling in his diary his everyday activities, Big B makes it a point to jot down all his feelings of the heart in his blog, for all his fans to see and read.
The latest post that he posted on his blog was about the premiere of the most awaited international film The Great Gatsby, in which he shares screen space with Hollywood bigwigs. Describing the adjoining photograph, he said,
"Doug and Lucy Fisher( Producers for Warner's ), Catherine Martin ( CM, wife Baz, designer of the film ), Toby Maguire, AB, Leonardo DiCaprio, Baz Luhrmann, Joel Edgerton, Carey Mulligan, Isla Fisher".
Relieving his 'Great' premiere experience, Big B poured his heart out in the blog by saying that, "Premiers are daunting experiences! They always have been, with me. And they are so because much like any other public appreciation or public presence moment, the fear of ignored noticeability, recognition and the criticism of non performance, haunt one before and after!" He went onto add that "The event is alien. It is not in my country, or in surroundings which have been familiar to me. I am the only caste creed region coloured individual in the project. CM, Catherine Martin Mrs Baz Luhrmann and the creative director of the film, warmly greets us, Baz joins in, Jay-Z with the largest smile among the guests, rushes by and is invited for an introduction ... "
In the same breath, he further wrote, "All the main stars and Baz line up against a large poster of the film .. I modestly stand away .. Toby and Leonardo beckon me to join in … I sheepishly creep in to the far end at the back ... Toby and Leonardo make space between them up front and command me to stand there ... generous ... being ushered into the theatre now ... large spacious Opera auditorium of the Lincoln Centre. It may sound odd, but remunerative presence has always been an issue. Once commerce steps in, the obligated demand is compellable. This erases natural and unrehearsed nature. There is demand for performance, because there is a commercial that has been taken into consideration. What I do, where I do it and how, gets abducted by them that have paid for it. My minuscule presence in 'The Great Gatsby' has been done with a sense of a friendly gesture towards the man one has admired as a maker, and so there is no commercial consideration.
Further, he writes "The expected reaction as I would step out to an event in India, is now minused. There will be no recognition among the audiences that follow and watch, which to me seems good, for then I can quietly slip away without being noticed or more importantly, instantly judged !! The most disturbing feel has always been to be presented in the ambience of recognition, but not get it. So as your car drives up to the 'point' of disembark it is seen that attention is drawn by all those that go to make attention possible. Security takes vital positioning expecting wild crowd reactions, organisers drift into position to behold their invited ViP ... the doors open and you step out ... !!"
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