Satire: Lights, Camera, Sell! 
By Deepa Gahlot, June 21, 2007 - 11:10 IST
Undoubtedly the funniest bit of news recently was that Shah Rukh Khan will be endorsing fairness cream for men. Looks like stars will sell anything if the price is right, so just for the heck of
it, we suggest some products that the rest of our Bollywood brigade could endorse.
Vivek Oberoi: A newly formulated lotion that thickens the skin, so all references to 'exes' would have no effect.
Sunny Deol: A special health supplement, whoever takes it will get a dhai kilo ka haath. (Obviously to be kept away from the reach of children and women!)
Kareena Kapoor: Since all the dusky beauties are racing ahead of her, maybe she could advertise a cream that naturally and gradually bronzes the skin. (Bhala uski twacha meri
twacha se sanwli kaise?)
Aamir Khan: Lagaan chhaap cricket bat that would enable the player to play "righteous" cricket for at least six years.
Bipasha Basu: A magic magnet to attract discarded boyfriends whenever arm candy is needed.
John Abraham: Chappals — the kind celebs can wear on various red carpets with pride.
Saif Ali Khan: A Nawabi cologne— so no matter what the wearer does, he comes out smelling of roses.
Rakhi Sawant: A megaphone (bhonpu) that constantly sings the praises of the user.
Mallika Sherawat: Designer burqas that conceal the face and reveal the cleavage.
Rani Mukerji: A bug repellent that will drive the media away, when a star wishes to go off press.
Rajnikant: Agarbattis to use for worshipping film stars.
Akshay Kumar: A beard dye – fans fainted of shock when he appeared in public with a salt-and-pepper beard.
Shabana Azmi: A pulpit, from where a pet cause can be preached. (Preity Zinta would be the first buyer.)
Salman Khan: A magnetic device that deflects potential brides—who wouldn't want to know the secret to eternal bachelorhood?
Abhishek Bachchan & Aishwarya Rai: Definitely an adhesive—that will keep the bond between a married couple stuck forever. (Abhiash ka jod hai tootega nahin)
Amitabh Bachchan: A health tonic for energy at 64 (oh, he already does that ad?) Then maybe a digestive for the older man (he does that too?) How about an expensive pen to sign
autographs? (he does that too??). Well then something to keep the hair black at this age? (he does that too???) He's done suitings, solitaires, colas, chocolates, watches, gizmos too?
How about tractors for the increasing breed of star farmers? Perfect!
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Viveik Oberoi and Vikram Bhatt come together
