Blog: Things I Learnt From Vivah 
By IndiaFM News Bureau, December 28, 2006 - 01:58 IST
My mom told me to watch this movie called Vivah because it is full of "cultural and traditional" values. How cool is that? I
have a mom who tells me to watch movies. Then my dad told me not to waste too much time watching "that crap" and spend it
wisely by either studying for my GRE or doing zikr. Hmm, studies, zikr or movie? In the end I decided Islam places a
great importance on mother, so I obeyed her and watched the movie.
Apparently there are a few ground rules about desis that I was not aware of.
- All small businesses will have an accountant, called munim, who will dress like this.
- Note the phone - and the film is set in modern times - the phone is connected to his table!
- If you have a younger sister, you MUST name her Choti. That would be some unique name, eh? To join other unique
names such Beta, Babu and Bade Sahab.
- All families where an orphan is brought up will have an evil woman.
- Her reason for hating the orphan? She is fairer than her own daughter.
- All Sardars are forever seemingly high on crack. They always smile with their arms locked in the bhangra position and start
every sentence with 'Oye!'.
- Only girls from towns with name like 'Behrapur' or 'Golapur' or 'Madhyapur' are good. Because naujawans from the city
are losing faith in words such as 'prerna', 'shudhatya' and 'adrishta'.
- If you are the head of a large corporation, you inform those who work under you, every one of them, of EVERY rishtaa,
or proposal, that comes for your son.
- "Girls in small towns are so good they don't even go to restaurants." The father tells this to the son, while seated at a
restaurant.
- You are left alone to talk with your prospect. You should always start with this speech "Hey I don't know what to say in this
situation as we have to talk about our future life together but why don't I talk about my previous girlfriend who had 2 other
boyfriends and then you tell me if you have any questions."
After you say all this, the girl will be so enamored with you she will say 'yes' after just one meeting.
- Good girls always keep their gazes lowered.
That movie was so corny, cheesy and bile-inducing with out-of-touch-with-reality. In short, your typical family-type Bollywood
movie that your parents will love. Me? I am still trying get one Indian friend who can translate prerna for me.
Mezba’s blog can be accessed at http://mezba.blogspot.com/index.html
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